♥ Bernice's site...♥

recovering~! posted @ Saturday, July 23, 2005

yay! so happi! my throat recovering! i m recovering!! =)

yesterday left early from school again. actually wanted to stay til school ends which is four. but mood very bad. cos throat very pain. and the thought of night coming really scare me. cos i couldnt sleep well, the throat was hurting. and every night i will have fever. temperature not very high but the headache was quite severe. i hug giugiu tight tight.. but no help. last last night it was the worse. i felt very cold. really cold. so my mum helped me wear alot, and i hide under the thick blanket, leaving only my face. then i shifted to my parents' room so my mum can see me. but couldnt sleep.. took panadol but the effect not very good. i did sleep awhile.

so yesterday went back to school. but still in great pain. mood was bad. and the thought of night coming scare me. i dont want it to come but i cant do anything. and there wasnt any sign of recovery. that was the tenth day already. and my antibiotics and other medicine were all finishing. really worry me. and not only me, my parents were worried too. my mum couldnt sleep and affected her high blood pressure condition. and daddy was stressed up with work and had to worry about me. three of us couldnt sleep. the thought of all these made my tears roll down. luckily everytime lectures or tutorials start, i wont think of all those and the pain. was sitting in the lt after lunch. then my 2j friends.. en qi, toon li, wendy and le jia came. i cried again.. they asked me to go.. at least go home and rest. and actually my mum was outside waiting for me.. so i left and met my mum at orchard.

last time went to gleneagles clinic for attachment so know how to go there. my dad's friend recommended this ENT specialist. so i called and coincidentally they had a time slot at three fifteen. the doc checked my throat and my neck. he spotted many lymph nodes around my neck. after telling him what happened and showing him the antibiotics i took, he said he think its caused by this virus. and he said what i have gotten is infectious monocleosis. he asked if i know. and i answered no. and he asked.. what u all study in school, everything dunno. must go out more, play and have fun. like they all last time, go outside, play, tok with friends so will know more and sit at one corner whistle at girls. and he's from ri. he said last time no rj and ri was at raffles there.. and he said the badge i was wearing is the same as ri. but i thought ri is broader and shorter. he quite humorous and friendly. so he said he will give me this medicine which he said is antivirus. he said this is not the conventional treatment. but he has tried on previous patients with this illness and they had recovered. so went out to collect medicine. and everything caused 240 bucks. dunno spent how much on this stupid disease.

but really very happy that its recovering. not fully, just abit. but at least its showing some improvement after taking the medicine. this shows that i m taking the correct medicine.. not like the previous ones, take already no effect at all.. he gave me this medicine for pain and fever. that one very effective. after taken for about an hour, the pain will reduce greatly. last night i can even sing for my parents.. my parents dunno whether its a happy news or sad news. happy cos their daughter is recovering and the 240 bucks not wasted. sad cos they have to hear my singing again. last night i sleep all the way til morning. i put alarm to wake up to watch the super star revealing the result. but i didnt wake up til 5.30am when my mum woke me up. hee hee.. really very happy now.. i can finally talk.. la la la..

I love kitty.

pain pain.. posted @ Wednesday, July 20, 2005

today didnt go sch.. tomorrow on mc too..
just now started eating dinner at seven and finished eating at nine. was very upset and irritated while eating cos every swallow is like hell. last few days still can eat. now cant really eat.. cos its really painful. i always had sore throat but the pain was nothing compared to now..
in the afternoon, i slept from one to seven. i very scared i cant catch up with school work. could have slept better if not for the upgrading of the lift. really very noisy. i feel like i m sleeping in a construction site. and the whole house very dusty. can see the layer of dust on the lock, the window and everywhere.. and the noise carried on non stop since morning til six thirty. very irritating.. somemore cant tok loud or shout. wanted to call for my mum, also cant cos the construction work really loud..

the doc said tonsillitis will take longer to heal. usually is one week or maybe two. today is the seventh day already. and she said even if i see a specialist, the specialist will give me antibiotics too. but my antibiotics finishing. left four only. asked if she is giving me more. she said no. have to depend on my immune system to fight the disease off. how long will it take? last time every problem can share with friends and parents, at least not so upset and can get help. but now i m alone!!!!! how?! sob sob sob.. i have to suffer the pain all alone!! sob sob... =(

I love kitty.

still sick... posted @ Monday, July 18, 2005

last night actually was about to fall asleep. but the paper box behind my bed suddenly fell to the ground and made me jumped. after that, my eyes were wide open. cos before that, my mum was telling me dun put anklet or windchime in my room cos the seventh month coming. and i was quite scarred by that. i looked everywhere in my room, just to make sure.. and hugged giugiu tightly. but giugiu getting skinner, so nothing much to hug. but the smell of her makes me feel more secured. after that fell asleep again.. but kept having this weird dream. still remember last last night i dreamt of second world war. i saw japanese soldiers. even saw mr mc tay. and i was running about, trying to hide from the soldiers. and i dreamt of me inside the school compound with alot of other students. last night i dreamt of some malays and they are having wedding but all of them came to look for me for registration i suppose. and i was so irritated and stressed up cos there were alot alot.. so everytime that dream comes, i will wake up suddenly. so this carrying on til two plus. and i decided not to sleep.. til three plus, i couldnt stand it anymore and hug giugiu tight tight, walk to my parents room. my mum asked me to pull mattress and sleep in their room. but daddy snored so loudly. very hard to sleep. and that dream still haunted me. but i did sleep a while. and every night the pain will be worse. last night my ears were very painful. stupid tonsillitis. the name sounds very cute but its not cute at all.. its torturous.. is it because i cant bear pain and always complain or is it really that painful? that braddell doc said its very painful one. i was so relieved and happy when he said that. only he understands how it feels. its like most people think its the normal sore throat that kind.

but really very touched and happy cos many people cared for me. =) especially my family.. my daddy, my mummy.. my daddy always called back to ask how i feel.. my mummy accompanied me to see the doc so many times.. and cooked so many herbal things for me to drink. first time in my life i drank so much. even food are all soupy ones. oh.. and my grandmum always calls to ask me too and asked my mum to cook this cook that for me. my grandfather always asked my grandma to call me to ask how's my throat. my first aunt messaged me to ask how i feel and gave my mum so many advice. my dearest cousin yvonne messaged me and send me a get well soon e-card. and the relative who asked my mum to buy water chestnut for me to eat. my friends like lin jun, camy, wan li, hui yun, chen li, xunqi who asked how i feel. at least they bother to. =) and many many others...

still wondering why do i get tonsillitis... how long will it to recover.. that huge patch of pus is still sticking to my tonsils. and my throat is still so painful. think when i finish my antibiotics and that tonsillitis hasnt gone yet, i will see doc again.. stubborn tonsillitis.. i eat so many medicine and herbal things.. it is still not scarred. nvm, i will fight with it one. humph!

I love kitty.

sick sick sick.. posted @ Sunday, July 17, 2005

these few days very busy seeing doc. fri went back to school but still not feeling well. my throat still hurts alot. so took blue slip after pe. looked for mrs v but couldnt find her. i dared not call her cos i scarred she scold me. the receptionist also refused to check which room she was in for me. went to general office looked for vp. he wasnt there too. he just went out. so sat at the sofa waiting for him to come back. principal saw and asked another teacher to come down and sign for me. the clerk called my mum to inform her. walked all the way to mrt and took the train. my mum waiting for me at simei. went to see dr. peter. told him that there was no improvement. he also agreed cos initially only the right side got pus. now both side have. and its very gross. the pain is getting worse. every swallow including my own saliva was killing me. even when i dun swallow anything, my throat still ached. dr peter said he gave me the strongest antibiotics already. so he asked me to go hospital. he will write a letter to refer me to ent (ears, nose, throat) specialist. he asked me to go through the a & e. and he gave me a very strong lozenges to ease the pain in the meanwhile.

my mum was thinking going through a & e would be very expensive so we travelled to polyclinic to get the letter to refer me to specialist. waited for hours. finally could go in to see the doc. the doc saw my throat and said the same thing as peter. told her i had seen a doc already. so she asked me what i want then. told her i need her to write a letter to refer me to hospital. but she said there is no need to. she can cure me. showed her the antibiotics peter gave me. she said thats not the correct antibiotics. it wont cure my throat. and she asked me if it's the first time i get this. if its the first time, there is no need to go for surgery. but if its not the first time, there is a need to. so she gave me another antibiotics, gel for my two ulcers, and some antiseptics to clean my mouth. by the time i reached home its three. so bathed and slept. woke up for dinner. porridge again. watched tv and slept again. but couldnt sleep well. kept having dreams.

woke up at six cos the pain was too unbearable. took the lozenges and went back to sleep. woke up and dun feel any better. my eyes and face got more swollen. especially eyes. really looked like gold fish. my eyes are small enough already. now that its swollen, they are just two horizontal lines and i can hardly see things. so bathed and changed. my mum brought me took a taxi down to braddell to see this doc which my aunt recommended. dun really feel like stepping out of my house. so ugly! whole face so bloated. reached there took a number and waited for an hour plus. finally my turn. the doc so cute. really looks like my grandfather. so small sized. but he is very old already. even his clinic also looks like those old old kind, in the 1960s. showed him all the medicine i have. two huge boxes of antibiotics, two packets of medicine for inflammation, panadol, two boxes of lozenges, gel and a bottle of antiseptics. he looked at the two boxes of antibiotics and said the one given by peter is not correct. and its very expensive too. and i said, ya, its fifty dollars and five pills only. but he said the polyclinic one is correct. then the two packets of inflammation pills are the same. waste my money. then he checked my throat. he said the same thing as the previous docs once he saw it. its tonsillitis. so he asked me to lie down. thought he was going to give the injection on my arms. but he asked me to turn side ways. he gave me the injections on my butt. two injections somemore. one on each side. i was very scarred. so long never inject on the butt already. first time was when i was just borned i guess.. but i never cry. so proud of myself. haha. then he gave me another pill to take. he said if this tonsillitis happen again, i will have to go for surgery to remove them. asked him how did it happen and he said the bacteria get into my body.. and perhaps my immune system was poor during the common test period.. asked him how to prevent and he said eat well, sleep well and exercise.. now my house got so many medicine..

feel better now. at least just now i eat wont feel that painful. these few days somehow just flew past.. really.. i feel that way. its like all of a sudden its going to be monday again. i tried to recall what i had done. i did nothing.. seriously.. perhaps when u r sick, u cant think properly too.. i just know i feel very tired and i cant do my work cos my head aches. i will just lie on my bed after taking medicine and very soon, i will be sleeping already..

I love kitty.

sick sick posted @ Thursday, July 14, 2005

not feeling well after common test. after common test that week, i couldnt really sleep. then after that week, had sore throat. but yesterday really very bad. my throat very very very painful. when i reached home, i had my dinner and went to see a doc. really very painful. only one side of my throat and i had difficulty swallowing. got two huge ulcers. i couldnt brush my teeth or put my retainer cos the retainer is pressing on my ulcers. then for the past four days, every night i will have fever. but after one night, the fever will be gone. i took forty five minutes to finish my porridge. cant even swallow my own saliva. had to spit out every now and then. went to see the doc i used to see when i was a baby. waited for fourty five minutes.. dozed off there.. luckily later got superstar showing on channel u. finally my turn..

went in and the doc was shocked to see a big girl instead of a baby. so funny. i told him my throat very pain. so he asked me to open for him to see. immediately seeing, he said, "aiyo!" he was shocked and terrified. he took a mirror. i was terrified too. and told him, "doc, u r scaring me. what happened?" he put the mirror infront of me and i opened my mouth to see. i was horrified! got pus inside along the wall...! and its bloody red inside...! no wonder its so painful! first time seeing such thingy! he said a very long term and said thats the disease. and he said if i ignore it, it will just swell more and by then i have to go for surgury to remove the pus and swollen parts. i told my mum and friends b4 that my face is swollen on the right but they all say no. its really swollen. the doc also said so. abit only though. but i myself cant even feel the bone of my face.. i collected the medicine.. costs 68 bucks. luckily my wallet got enough money. asked the nurse why so ex and she said the antibiotics cost 50 bucks. that antibiotics should be taken once every night. and there are altogether 5 pills only. that means each is 10 bucks.. so ex right? but no choice lah. i dun wan to go for that surgery. i m scarred! went home and see my throat again. really got the pus and the left side got a huge bump. didnt see it just now.. its like swollen and filled with blood.. went to sleep after that.

mc today..slept the whole day til one. my mum wanted to see my throat so i opened my mouth and let her see. she was disgusted. cos last night too dark, she didnt see properly. she said the inside of my mouth looked worse than her toilet. so dirty! so i see for myself. i think today worse leh. the swell actually grew and its so huge that my throat seems very small.. no wonder just now i gulped a mouthful of water down, i almost got chocked. and today got more pus! really disgusting.... i dun wan to go for surgery!!! that two stupid ulcers are giving me trouble.. oh no.. i have to go and spit my saliva out again....

I love kitty.

posted @ Sunday, July 10, 2005

today went to grandma house but wei wei not here!!! so sad.. ask him to come but he hesitated and dun really wan. dunno why. his the other grandma must have cheated him, bribed him. argh! so i played monopoly with randal and gasper but not fun leh. i got bullied. going bankrupt and i asked them to end the game. haha. so i wont be bankrupt. then watched anima naruto with them. i nearly fell asleep. immediately after watching, i dozed off to sleep. woke up and went off for the vega meeting. that uncle from vss was really funny. he very entertaining. now need to get more people to go for the event.

the event is on 31st july, at tampines east cc. activities are as follows, yoga, mass walk, meatless food fair, health screening including colorectal cancer screening, games, colouring and drawing contest, salad making contest, talks and forums, story telling session. got goodie bags and prizes. got cip hours too if helping out. hope to get more people into this. we need the crowd to be there. anyone free can contact me....

I love kitty.

beautiful sunday posted @ Monday, July 04, 2005

last night went to buy a screen protector from hello kitty shop. cos got discount now so i bought loh. so i happily went home and did what the uncle in the shop told me to. but the hello kitty thingy just couldnt stick at all. i was fustrated. i tried the smaller piece and it sticked on tightly. really upset. and talked on the phone in the meanwhile with my com group mate. tok about some important stuff which i dun really like. and we talked til 2 plus morning cos i was too agitated. told him about the hello kitty thingy.

this morning, woke up at six thirty. made breakfast for myself then went to festival park. but couldnt find it. so was running about tampines.. finally found and saw the com people there. just realised the event was a mass walk family day. then pushed the wheelchair when those elderlys from kheng chiu happy lodge came. i was quite afraid actually cos i never push a wheelchair b4 in my whole life. an old lady came happily. she couldnt walk properly, needs walking stick. once she sat down, she immediately said thanks to me. so cheerful. after that did the mass warming up and we started the walk. pushing a wheelchair not that hard, only when there are steps. i decided to tok to the lady. i called aunty but she couldnt hear. haiz.. reaching the tampines stadium, i called her again. and she started speaking in malay to me. i kept telling her i m chinese, but she didnt seem to hear it. she is a very happy lady. she waved to everyone on the way. make me feel so weird but i like to see the smile on those people waving to her too. reached the stadium, sat down and chatted with her. she is eighty six. oh gosh.. she doesnt look like one. she looks like she is in her early 70s. she kept thanking me.. make me feel so paiseh.. i really like her alot. she is very nice and positive. i said her tissue very nice and she actually wanted to give the whole packet to me. then went lunching with the com people.

after that i went to the kitty shop, wanted to change the helo kitty thingy. but its not open yet. so went home. feel really giddy. bathed already went to sleep. was woken up by my parents. they going out cos my dad going jurong meet his friend. so i tagged along. its always the three of us together. realised i havent gone to the kitty shop so my parents waited for me there. i talked to the uncle. he accused me of spoiling the thingy and he refused to change a new one for me. i got more and more furious. and i yelled at him. nearly burst into tears. and he got customer there. but he doesnt want to change one for me and accused me of spoiling it. he said its because i didnt do it properly or the method is wrong. but i havent even tear it out, its not sticky already. its his product not gd not me. my parents were calling and calling cos they in a hurry. so finally the uncle said he will give one new one for me, just treat it as his loss.. he still said that loh. i nearly give him a punch. so irritating! and the one i bought is the last piece. i chose for very long. now have to take one which i dun really like and its cheaper.. and the uncle still like that.

after that went to meet my yangqin friends.. got peijun, shu imm and eugene. very enjoyable. we went to have dinner at yoshi then went to shop around and take neoprints. then went home. as usual, they are still the same.. and we had lots of fun. chatting, and playing with the long heart shape balloon which shu imm brought from the cip she did. and that peijun hang around her head. so paiseh to walk beside her! she said she will take it down if i can point out to her two person who looked at her with the weird expression. immediately after saying, she turned around and the couple behind us on the escalator burst out laughing. thats damn malu. really had a great time. also designing the neoprints. =) i love them!

I love kitty.

numb numb.. posted @ Saturday, July 02, 2005

common test over.. feel abit numb. maybe too tired to feel. tried to sleep just now but cannot leh though got headache. so opened piano and play. and i played so terribly. i was horrified. i play like grade two standard. oh no. what about my yangqin. think i can even play semiquavers. but i enjoyed playing the piano just now. cos no one around and i just put all my feelings into playing and move in any way i want though i still play badly. its like the touch not there. i m banging on the piano. i cant control! sigh.. my wish has not been granted yet. i havent master cannon yet. and i deproved so much. think it will gonna take forever so master it especially when i open the piano when i feel like only. its like suddenly realised i have a piano at home. too used to it occupying that huge space down there. i neglected it. =( really very scared next time i dunno how to play piano. then the effort i put in from pri three to sec 4 gonna go down the drain.. i remembered sec 4 i really struggled. my piano lesson was on wed. wed i had yangqin lesson from 2 plus to evening. then had to go straight to tampines for piano lesson. always never practise and teacher also nothing to say. i always cried every wed on the way home after piano lessons. not because the teacher scolded me. but i really think cannot, really feel like giving up. cos i m not those who like to practise and practise. somehow i just hate piano when i m learning for the exams. but i like scales alot. i dun like pieces. just cannot put feelings into them and fingers just cant play fast. its due to lack of practise but i dun like to practise. i wan to play my own. but its all over. should i be happy or sad? no lesson means i seldom open piano and play cos no time. happy cos i love piano now..

later plan to go east coast park to jog. though there are lots of sad memories there, new sweet memories are also there now. need to go under the sun more also cos two of my friends say i very fair. go there see the sea also. had been looking forward to going there. my only movitation when i was studying for common test.

though many people say nothing is impossible. to me, some things are really impossible. forcing me will just make me resist even more. i m like that.

I love kitty.